This is my revelation (I can’t say coming out). It does not fit! But, I have to say something.
I have compassion on David in the video. You see, when I was 10 years old I was taken away from my home by a homosexual man to a motel room to be his toy. Did my parents know what this man was up to? I will never know. Did I understand what happened to me that night? No. I had no class for this man nor for what he did. Do I know why I felt dirty the next morning at breakfast? No. Only that he did something to me that was “wrong.” I don’t know why I thought it wrong, I just did. That thinking may have been my salvation from what could have been. I did not accept what he did to me. I rejected it. I did not want it from him NOR for me, you see. I never dealt with same sex attraction afterward. Many children, who might have had a similar, should I say, more pleasurable experience, may have turned out totally different from me. What happened to me was wrong, I know now. He could have been put in jail based on the laws of the state. He violated me. He took advantage of me. I was his prisoner for the night.
Can we help others who might be put in the predicament I found myself inescapably in many years ago avoid a similar predicament?
Although I was terrified, … …, I had to go back… …to the most hidden and shameful parts of myself: my childhood. And to do so, I would need help from others.
I had to excavate the most inner parts of myself and I realized that I needed human help to do so. What had happened to the little boy that I once was? What and who hurt him? Why had I begun this searching for something to make all the wounds go away? Won’t that be painful? Would I have the courage to dig really deep to discover the hidden remains of my lost youthful innocence?
I opened up all the inner torments which had haunted me, the raw wounds from which I internally bled… …all of the ugly incidents that left a little boy shaking and hurtfully guarded… … in touch with my inner child. I looked at the artistic and sensitive kid …This was the child I had spent years hating… … now needed to go back and rescue to deal with the pain and shame that was still living in my heart and soul.
In the gay world, I had tried to remake myself into the bloated and hyper-masculine image of manhood that I saw in pornography. That failed.
I tried to kill him over and over again… … he was the violent sadist, the insatiable porn star, and the demented hustler.
I … cut through the crowd of make-believe characters and finally reach that damaged boy whimpering in the corner still isolated and alone.
Think! Think for yourself now! There is help! There is hope! Let’s end this predatory abuse perpetrated on the innocent: children and adults.