Discover what? Discover the solution. Discover the next step. Discover their calling. I could go on but you get the point.
The simple answer is questions. Asking questions. If you have read my Pink Grapefruit post (coming soon) you get a hint at how not to ask questions and some hints about better approaches. I will do a quick review here. Ask ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions and don’t ask ‘why.’
Don’t ask solution oriented questions. What are they? An easy way to spot a solution-oriented question is the word ‘you’ as the second word in the question. “Should you, can you, are you, will you” etc. Those questions generally contain veiled directives or hints at what you are thinking the solution or next step is.
In my thinking as I interact with a person, I tend to be thinking about what is the point or question that is going to get Charley to make the next move or solve his problem. What I need to do is listen, take in all that he is saying. Then, examine my heart to see how I am responding to Charley so that at the right time I can let Charley know how he is affecting me–emotionally, per deep desires, and thoughts.
So, there is no slam dunk in assisting someone with their issues. God must show up, provide and confirm the way to go. If He doesn’t, then we are wasting our time.
Okay, so how do we pursue one another in an authentic way to help a person move through an issues? First, simply trust that God will use you in the life on another. Rest in that. Believe it.
As I said earlier, explore with the person using ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions.
The next thing to keep in mind is that you are simply exploring and thus, many times your next response can be “Tell me more,” or “What else?” This helps a person go deeper and doesn’t interrupt their thought process. Along with this technique, you listen for significant words and ask questions that dive into the desires and emotions behind those words.
You will learn to craft you questions over time so that you become natural at engaging a person around their issues. Keep the focus on their issues and don’t throw the process off by moving the focus to something in you life that relates to their need. Keep the focus on their issues and needs.
I am attempting to get better at this. I hope these thoughts help you as well.