My View of Golden-Haired Women

“Golden-haired women” are defined in this blog.

Another paraphrase from John Eldredge’s Wild At Heart:

First, we need to know WE HAVE what it takes as men. (We need to hear that from someone.) A man’s core questions do not go away when he becomes a Christ follower. We almost all seek our father’s approval and most of us do not get it. We seek approval through belonging to a group and accomplishing something that is appreciated by the group. Brad: “My heart has burst and all wounds and arrows have come pouring out. I have never felt such pain. The sentences scream at me, ‘I do not belong. I am wanted by no one. I am alone.’” Where does a man go for a sense of validation? To what he owns? To who pays attention to him? How attractive his wife is? Where he gets to eat out? The world cheers the vain search on: Make a million, run for office, get a promotion, hit a home run…be somebody. Can you feel the mockery of it all? The wounded crawl up the beach while the snipers fire away. But the deadliest place a man ever takes his search, the place every man seems to wind up no matter what trail he’s followed, is the woman.

Even if you earthly father did his job adequately, hope can only take you part way. There comes a time when you have to leave all that is familiar and go on into the unknown with God.

Initiation involves a journey and a series of tests, through which we discover our true place in God’s story. Initiation does not take place at a school desk; it takes place through life experiences where simple lessons turn into larger lessons about life, about self, and about God. Through each test comes revelation.

Most of us have been misinterpreting life and what God is doing for a long time. We’re asking the wrong questions. Most of us are asking, “God, why did you let this happen to me?” Or, “God, why won’t you just..(fill in the blank) ?” God’s new set of questions: What are you trying to teach me here? What issues in my heart are you trying to raise through this? What is it you want me to see? What are you asking me to let go of?

In truth, God has been trying to initiate you for a long time.
What is in the way is: how you’ve mishandled your wounds and the life you’ve constructed as a result.

The only thing more tragic than the tragedy that happens to us is the way we handle the tragedy in the core of our being. God is fiercely committed to you, to the restoration and release of your masculine heart. But a wound that goes unacknowledged and unwept is a wound that cannot heal. A wound you’ve embraced is a wound that cannot heal. A wound you think you deserved is a wound that cannot heal. Brennan Manning: “The spiritual life begins with the acceptance of our wounded self. Whatever is denied cannot be healed.”

So God’s initiation of a man takes an odd course. He will wound us in the very place where we have been wounded. God thwarts us to save us. We think it will destroy us, but the opposite is true–we must be saved from what really will destroy us. Walk with God in our journey of masculine initiation, walk away from the false self (poses). It may feel crazy and it feels immensely vulnerable.

Walking away from the woman is not leaving your wife but ceasing to look to her to validate you. Stop trying to make her come through for you. Stop trying to get your answer from her. For the violent and angry: you release her as the object of your anger because you release her as the one who was supposed to make you a man. Repentance for a driven man means you become kind.

Your life purpose and mission are bigger than your wife, family, but it also includes your family.

So, it is not Eve (women) who drive us, motivate us, or initiate us. We cannot go to or seek from women our validation. That validation starts with our earthly fathers and is consummated by the Heavenly Father. This validation we so desperately need cannot be given us by women. It can only be given to us by God and through an intimate relationship with Him.

Once we begin to get our validation from our Heavenly Father, we will be able to understand the place of women in our lives; whether wife, sibling, sisters in Christ, or women we meet in the market place. God has placed them there and it should be our motive and goal to find out what His view of those women are and take on His perspective of them.


2 thoughts on “My View of Golden-Haired Women

  1. Golden-Haired Women are defined much later in this blog. I will try to move my evaluation of this John Eldredge concept up a couple of months. Time will tell. It will be worth the wait.


  2. Pingback: Men, where do you get your validation as a man? LR | The Good News

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