The Good News

Discussion of the Best News in the World, the Gospel of Jesus, and related topics

Cry Alone?

I love Deanna’s perspective on living the life.  Let her words heal.

Adoptees: Why It’s Helpful to Cry Alone

The title of this post may seem unhealthy or even dangerous.

Cry alone?

Yes. I’m about to share something with you that I’ve found extremely helpful.

Now, for a disclaimer: Prolonged isolation is not healthy. Disconnection with others can be dangerous– not to mention, it’s completely different from the way God has wired us.
It’s important to have people in our lives who accept the real us, who can handle our joys and our tears. I’m so grateful to have that in my life.When I speak of the need to cry alone, I’m referring to something temporary.

At the same time, I’ve found there’s a certain type of cry that is helpful to have alone.

It’s a cry so deep, by it’s nature tends to overwhelm family or friends who experience it.

Out of love and concern, and maybe even a bit of panic, they might try to “shhhhhhhhhh” the wail and soothe it away. This lamentation will be so discomforting, your loved one will do whatever it takes to comfort you and get it to stop, when what you really need to do is keep going. For it to be effective, exhausting yourself down to the last drop is necessary.

Beyond the Ugly Cry

You’ve heard of the “ugly cry”? This is beyond the ugly cry.

It’s a sob from the depth of your soul that most people will have no idea what to do with.

When you experience the worst wound imaginable — the separation from the one who birthed you, and the further trauma that may occur in conjunction with that as an adult, there’s pain unequaled.

To hold it in can actually make you sick.

My family loves me. So much.

I have friends I believe would lay their life down for me.

And yet, I have not subjected any of them to this cry.

Heck, I don’t even expose my dogs to this cry.

Internal Vs. External
At one time on my journey of the past six months, my blood pressure was high and nothing I was doing externally would bring it down. I was praying, reading the Bible, exercising, eating right, taking soothing baths, listening to relaxing music and connecting with encouraging people. And yet, the high blood pressure remained.

Melissa, my therapist,  shared with me the importance of doing internal work, not just coming at things externally.
In my experience, this cry is very beneficial for one’s emotional and physical health.

I cannot promise the same health result for everyone, but I can tell you it immediately brought my blood pressure down into normal range.  I also feel 100% better emotionally after letting it out.

I have an amazing husband who “gets it” when it comes to my adoptee issues. (His post about this is the most popular one on this blog.) And yet, I know a cry in this fashion would leave him feeling helpless. He wouldn’t be able to stop it or fix it. It would only be an agonizing display for him to witness. As for my children, it would probably scare them to pieces.  But little do they know how much this private cry enables me to be the strong mom they know.

Strength Gained In Releasing

Over twenty years ago, I experienced what is known as “secondary rejection” when my natural mother said no to reunion. The two years that followed before our eventual reunion were a time of intense private pain for me. During that time I was a young mom with two babies just a year apart, and served as a pastor on staff at a church.  One day when the babies were in their cribs napping and my husband was out on an errand, I was doing dishes at the kitchen sink, when all of a sudden my natural mother’s refusal to meet with me was overwhelming. I collapsed at the kitchen sink, and lay on the floor wailing. As limp as a wrung out dishrag, I begged God to help me.

He did.

I got up off the floor and continued to be a strong woman, wife, mother and minister.

Sometimes a cry will get you through.

There is One who can handle the cry, is not freaked out, and doesn’t try to shhhush it. He cares so much about the tears, He bottles them.

“You keep track of all my sorrows.

      You have collected all my tears in your bottle.” Psalm 56:8

Ecclesiastes tells us there’s a time for everything.  I believe it.

There’s a time to cry with others.

And there’s a time to cry alone.

Crying isn’t a sign that we’re weak.

It’s necessary.

It’s healing.

It’s cleansing.

Adoptees, if you’re feeling the physical and emotional weight today and it’s just not lifting…try having a cry alone. Let it come out naturally in all it’s anguish without trying to quell it in any shape or form. When you’ve released what feels like every bit of liquid that can possibly come out of your eyes and your voice is hoarse from crying…you will feel a release.

And sometimes you need to cry, rinse and repeat.

It’s okay.

Let it come as it is.

As many times as necessary.

Part of being strong is knowing when to let go.

Click for more…

Adoptee Restoration

What’s in a Name? The Presence of God!

 by Sue Stratton

How God introduces Himself to us by His personal name tells us a great deal about how he wants to relate to us each day

Old Testament professor Susan Stratton is famous for her rich insights into the names and ‘Presence’ of God.  Her passionate teaching in classrooms, retreats, (and coffee shops) have richly blessed her students, her children, and her adoring husband. Read more of this post

If I Ever Needed Grace

I need his grace…

Holy, holy, holy

8“Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty,
    who was and is and is to come!”

11 “Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
    to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
    and by your will they existed and were created.”

Worthy

8“Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty,
    who was and is and is to come!”

11 “Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
    to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
    and by your will they existed and were created.”

Holy, holy, holy

8“Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty,
    who was and is and is to come!”

11 “Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
    to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
    and by your will they existed and were created.”

Revelation 4

I love Revelation 4.   I also love Revelation 5.   Revelation 4 has what I want to focus on.  It needs no commentary.  Just take it for what God may say to you.

The Throne in Heaven

After this I looked, and behold, a door standing open in heaven! And the first voice, which I had heard speaking to me like a trumpet, said, “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this.” At once I was in the Spirit, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with one seated on the throne.And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald. Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and seated on the thrones were twenty-four elders, clothed in white garments, with golden crowns on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning, and rumblings[a] and peals of thunder, and before the throne were burning seven torches of fire, which are the seven spirits of God, and before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal. Read more of this post

The United Nations is Family Friendly, Mostly

Saudi Arabia and Russia brought a resolution to the UN Human Rights Image result for familyCouncil promoting family as the core unit of any stable society.  I am not proud of America in this regard.  Our rep and many European representatives on the Council opposed this resolution–why?  Russia and Saudi Arabia are greater promoters of family than the United States?

I like what World Magazine said about this resolution and the outcomes.

The United Nations Human Rights Council passed a resolution in support of the traditional family in early July. The vote—29 in support and 14 against, with four abstentions—split the council along clear lines, with a group of mostly poorer developing nations across Asia, Africa, and South America defeating the United States, all the European nations, and a few other developed countries who opposed the resolution.

The resolution, co-sponsored by Saudi Arabia and Russia, reaffirms the family as the natural and fundamental unit of society and urges member states to take action to support and strengthen families. It notes that the “contribution of the family in society and in the achievement of development goals continues to be largely overlooked and underemphasized.” The resolution encourages countries to set pro-family policies that support family functions such as caring for the elderly and balancing work and parental responsibilities. China, India, Kenya, Algeria, and Vietnam also voted for the resolution.

Supporters heralded the document as a “monumental development for the pro-family movement,” said Rebecca Oas of the Center for Family and Human Rights (C-FAM).

Jeremiah 29:11

Chill out: John Daily is actually playing at the British Open

John Daly warms up at St. Andrews. (USATSI)

St Andrews is beautiful!

 

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